Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
