Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
