i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
