Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
