Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize