somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
