he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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