You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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