There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
