The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
