I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
