Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I have fence marks all over my body
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize
