I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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