I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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