I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Randomize
