i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
