Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
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