This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
