I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
