id be glad to
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
