I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
