Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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