oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
