All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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