she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
