Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
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