trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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