So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
