You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
