I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
