Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
