Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
