with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
