Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
