she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
