Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
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