i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
