I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
