I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
