I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
