Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
