Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
