remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
