i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
