i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
