my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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