They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
