i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
