You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
