ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
