yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
