I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
