spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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