She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
you are never too drunk for berry picking
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Randomize
