New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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