it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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