dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
