I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
