the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I have fence marks all over my body
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
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