either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I just pynch a tree in the face
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
