It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize
