i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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