Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
