remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
how does that bad decision feel?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
