I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
