East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
home. puking in laundry basket.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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