am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
