I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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