dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
