Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
