NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
A+ Viking dick
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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